All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
