Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We named our party play list daddy issues
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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