Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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