belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
