You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
