she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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