Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
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i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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