You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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