beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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