Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
