She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
