Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You did what with his pubic hair?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
