The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
