Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
