There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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