After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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