if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
