i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
