She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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