I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus