so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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