im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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