If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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