so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
