i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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