I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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