Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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