were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
