I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
