i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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