Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
