The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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