I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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