...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
