There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
