whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
