Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
