He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
