the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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