billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
