Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
