he thought i was a dude.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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