Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
