yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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