Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
