How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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