True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize