Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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