You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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