he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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