I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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