I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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