Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
