i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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