I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
