tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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