I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
