The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
