I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
