i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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