from now on my penis is your penis
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
